Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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