So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize