How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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