Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
