So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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