wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
