Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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