i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
