I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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