She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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