I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
