i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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