That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
