I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
