**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who died my cat blue again?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
