All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
