Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My pussy is not your playground.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize