Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
