Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
