cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
