I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
