she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
