Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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