Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
