Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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