apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
