I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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