He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
