The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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