is your mom at the bar?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
