I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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