So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
