Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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