i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
