the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
