guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize