thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
