It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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