I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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