Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
