why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
