and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize