1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
