My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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