I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
whose parrot is this?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
