OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
