Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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