his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
