the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize