Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
