he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
