he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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