We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
