he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
