hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
