wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
