I never want to see another naked old woman again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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