i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
