apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
