Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
