I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
