he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We smell like vodka and hangover
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