My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you inspire me to be a worse person
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
