cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
