I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
