dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
