Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
