The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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