just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
