Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
