I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
