So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
