I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
