i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
