I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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