drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize