I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
