I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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