and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just crazy horny about you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
