Already got asked if we're dating
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
