last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize