babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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