I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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