youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
