We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
