Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
