i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
